My name is Maria Ng and my role is to provide training and workshops for service providers and the community at large. Most of the workshops I facilitate is to raise awareness about the importance of mental health.

We often receive workshop requests from front-line service providers on how to support clients affected by trauma.

I attended a workshop titled: “The Art of Heartfelt Listening in Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) by a Dr. Danny Yeung MD CCFP MDPAC (C) FCFP; Senior Faculty & Head of International Development, AEDP Institute. I learned a lot and would like to share a practice called “Heartfelt listening,” that is helpful and effective in undoing aloneness of our clients.

One of the most devastating state is that people feel they are suffering alone and that no one can help/understand them. Undoing aloneness is to break that feeling and let a client know that we are there to support and to listen/walk with them. A person knowing they are not alone is empowering in itself.

I hereby share information by Dr. Yeung that illustrates the three steps and skill criteria for this practice:

Criterion 1: Use nonverbal and paraverbal behaviors to reinforce your presence.
Nonverbals (e.g., nodding, leaning in, putting hand to heart etc.), paraverbals (e.g., mmming, wincing, sighing, aha-ing), and barely verbals (e.g., ya, right, yup, ouch) make up a large percentage of interventions in AEDP.

Criterion 2: State or use words that imply you are present with the client.
In AEDP we make the relationship explicit. We use statements such as “I am here with you,” “You are not alone,” In addition, we use psychoeducational statements: “It is important that you feel me with you; you’ve been alone with this too much.” Using words that imply you are present, such as “share” and “with,” remind the client that you are alongside them (e.g., “I am smiling with you”).

Criterion 3: Ask or invite the client to take in your presence.
For example, the standard undoing aloneness question is “Can you feel me with you?” The feeling component is not physically touching the client. This is an additional level of work (and therefore, awareness) for the client to reflect on whether they can feel the therapist’s presence and respond to the question, furthering the likelihood that the client’s sense of aloneness will be alleviated.

Examples of a service provider Undoing Aloneness by applying the skill criteria:

• Client: [Sad] Even when I am with other people I feel alone and like I have a wall up. Does that make sense?
• Counselor: [Leaning forward] (Criterion 1) As I am here with you it makes perfect sense to me. (Criterion 2) Can you feel me with you right now or do you have that wall up with me too? (Criterion 3)
• Client [Yearning] As a little boy I would walk past houses on my street and make up stories of living with those happy families.
• Counselor: [Leaning forward] (Criterion 1) What a lonely feeling. The most important thing for us is that you feel me with you right now. (Criterion 2) Do you sense my presence? (Criterion 3)
• Client [Leg bouncing] My anxiety overwhelms me inside. Sometimes I can’t even hear what other people are saying. I have so many thoughts coming all at once.
• Counselor: [Nods and makes eye contact] (Criterion 1) I am so glad you are telling me. I’m here.(Criterion 2) So the most important thing right now is to take a breath and feel if you can get a sense of me with you (Criterion 3) and ask the thoughts to give us some space to be together.
• Client: [Eyes wide with fear] I’m not scared of my feelings, but I am scared of this pain that comes up. It feels like I’m going to panic and so I fight it. I don’t want it to come back.
• Counselor: [Hand to heart, wrinkling forehead] (Criterion 1) I get how scary the pain and feeling of panic can be and the most important thing is that you’re not alone with it. (Criterion 2) Let’s both put our feet on the ground and work on our connection together . . . would it be okay to try to help you feel less alone with this? (Criterion 3)

Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy is an evidence-supported model used in post-traumatic healing. The art of heartfelt listening supports persons painfully wounded by unwanted oppressive emotional aggression.

Through a deep listening, felt-sensible in the heart, one imagines moment-to-moment the reality of the other and intuitively responds with sensitivity. The undoing of aloneness of the other, through one’s heartfelt listening and heartful response, culminates in the transformation of suffering into flourishing.

References

Yeung, D., (2024). The Spirit Of AEDP. Transformance: The AEDP Journal/ Monograph One, Issue One.