Generations of trauma won’t determine my future. Not Today.

Awakening the spirit within 

For the first 35 years of his life, Eddie Gough had no idea who he truly was.

Born to an Indigenous mother from the Wikwemikoong Unceded Territory on Manitoulin Island in Northern Ontario, he was adopted by a white family in a Toronto suburb and grew up with no connection of to his ancestry of any kind.  He never even knew another Indigenous person until the day he arrived at the CAMH emergency department six years ago.

Addicted to drugs including alcohol and in a state of suicidal despair in the wake of his best friend’s suicide, he was referred to what was then called the Aboriginal Service at CAMH, a decision he says saved his life.

"When I walked in there for the first time, I didn’t realize what a life-altering experience it would be. I finally felt that connection to what I had been thinking about my whole life without even knowing that this is what I was seeking. "

"That moment was the true start of my own healing journey. I understand now that there was a depth to of a lot of those hurts and many factors, including intergenerational trauma that began well before my own birth.  I believe my addiction, that trying to turn down the noise in my head, was a coping tool to repress a lot of those deeper hurts."

Eddie says he realizes now that from the time he was a young child, he wore a metaphorical mask for every occasion.  The one he wore to school.  The one he wore when he went home to his adopted family.  The one he wore as a young man trying to navigate his way through the world.

“Children watch the world and being adopted into a Western family, I saw very quickly that there was something different about me and I interpreted that as meaning there was something wrong with me.  I craved love and affection but at the same time I felt I was undeserving of it. The more I tried to let it in, the more lost and scared I became.”

Eddie’s journey has taken him back full circle to where it all began–to Manitoulin Island—where he lives with his partner on the Aundeck Omni Kaning First Nation Reserve.

He now mentors Indigenous young adults as a mental health and addiction counsellor based on the land. For 90 days, groups of 10 to 15 Indigenous young adults from across Ontario live continuously on the land, reclaiming their indigenous language and identity and learning traditional Indigenous skills, including hunting and trapping and traditional medicine, while also receiving mental health support.

"Watching someone come in with emptiness in their eyes and see life come back to them, seeing them learn to love themselves and believe in themselves and have opportunities that they never saw, is a big part of my own continuous healing."

“The spirituality aspect of the Indigenous culture came from the land. We offer a holistic approach to healing to help others who struggle to reclaim their identities and make the necessary changes to help find them peace and contentment within themselves. We help from Indigenous knowledge keepers, we take community members out to the land along and help them make connections with Creation and the water and the animals.  Because we all came from one place a long, long time ago and I think a big part of the deeper healing is making those reconnections and supporting each other to walk this Red Road, this healing path, together. A big part of my struggle with my healing journey was thinking I had to go through it alone. Watching someone come in with emptiness in their eyes and see life come back to them, seeing them learn to love themselves and believe in themselves and have opportunities that they never saw, is a big part of my own continuous healing. It’s my passion to help others along their journey with the knowledge and teachings I received from my own.”