By Jessica Bodach, NYAC Member
Watching a loved one struggle with an eating disorder can make a person feel frightened, frustrated, and ultimately useless. It can be hard to even approach the topic of their disorder without fearing that you may make them feel angry and defensive. Unfortunately, when we use avoidance to spare ourselves from having a difficult conversation, we are unintentionally allowing the disorder to continue to damage our loved one’s mind and body.
In order for you to support your friend or family member with an eating disorder it is crucial to communicate your care and concern for them in a non-threatening manner. This article is to help guide that conversation. Here’s how to say what needs to be said…
“I care about you…”
Focus on feelings and the purpose of your relationship with your loved one. When they feel reassured that you care about them as a whole person, they are less likely to interpret your concern as threatening and invasive.
“I’ve noticed you may be struggling…”
Help them identify the signs that have triggered your concern for them. Remember that they may or may not already be aware of the consequences of their thoughts and behaviour. Open up the conversation by avoiding phrases that are demanding, guilt-tripping, shaming, blaming or accusing.
“I want to understand…”
Give them the opportunity to explain their perspective. Active listening is a key component of supporting your loved ones. Show them that you are not judging them. Encourage them to open up to you by asking open ended questions. Do not react impulsively by shutting them down when they share their thoughts.
“I want to help…”
Make it clear that you’re on their side. Respect them by letting them choose whether or not to accept your help and support. Don’t try to strip them of their autonomy by forcing them to change by your means instead of their own.
Despite the outcome of this first conversation remember that trying to talk about your loved one’s struggle is more supportive than never acknowledging it at all.
For more information on eating disorders, their warning signs, complications and how to support your loved one refer to the following resources:
By Centre for Addiction and Mental Health – 06.Feb.2015
Saying What Needs To Be Said: How to support a loved one struggling with an eating disorder
- Saying What Needs To Be Said: How to support a loved one struggling with an eating disorder