Jay's Story

As a child of privilege who now spends his days working with homeless men on the streets of Toronto, Jay Barton has seen what addiction can do to just about every kind of person there is. “It’s a painful journey. I talk with all sorts of guys who have had to overcome a lot, who have had a lot of stuff happen to them. I can’t imagine the pain that these guys have to endure. I’ve seen a lot of really strong people get taken down by addiction. So many of them don’t have the support they need or the infrastructure in place to get some stability in their lives. I love these guys. I see myself in them.”

The self he sees in them is the person he was for a long time.

He fessed up, and at the age of 20 went to his first stint at a private rehab facility in Buffalo. But he wasn’t ready. Over the next decade and a half, he tried and failed to gain control over his addiction over and over again. He went to rehab again. He went a third time. Nothing worked.

“I was very cognizant of the double life that I was leading. Countless times I would be coming down and it was a nightmare from hell. I would beat the crap out of myself over it. You're saying to yourself, 'I'm never going to use again. I don't want to go through this.' Then you wake up and say, 'There's no damn way I'm using this stuff.' A couple hours later, the thought starts creeping into my mind, maybe I can do just a little bit tonight.'”

After thousands of nights trying to stop using and thousands of nights of failure, he finally got a win, on the day he got married 21 years ago. He has been in remission from alcohol use disorder ever since.

“I was fortunate that I had some people in my life who cared for me and had hope for me. I would be dead in jail or on the street if I didn’t have that.”

Now he devotes his days using his lived experience of addiction in the service of those who are in the fight now, one that for so many years he thought he could never win.

“There wasn't as much empathy for somebody who was going sideways 30 years ago as there is today. It was thought of as a character flaw. But everybody has their stuff. You see the guy with the nice house and the nice cottage and the nice kids and the nice wife and everything looks perfect. We know it's not perfect and that’s okay. It’s such a tough disease to beat and I have a lot of empathy for the people that are going through it right now. You just have to keep trying. It’s a lifelong battle. Even if you are not using or drinking, it’s still a battle. I know a lot of people who are stronger than they realized and were able to come back. For people who are really struggling right now, like the men I work with on the streets, I say that if you are still in the battle, if you’re still here, then you are tough as nails already. If you can find the courage to be vulnerable and ask for help, you'll feel like a better man for asking. Because everybody has their stuff, including the guy who's got the nice house and the nice college and the nice kids and the nice wife and everything looks perfect. We have to do a better job as a society taking care of them. All of us. We need all the help we can get. That’s why I want people to support CAMH and all of the work it does.”