A mother's ongoing love and support

Few bonds are stronger than the one between mother and child. This bond is particularly profound for Khadijah Abdul-Gafoor and her six children, especially her second-born son.

“He’s always been unique,” says Khadijah. “From the beginning, he spent a lot of time with me. He watched as I worked, coached, and mentored other people’s children. He took it all in and absorbed everything.”

Khadijah’s son was just 10 when their family experienced a traumatic event. Her fourth-born child, an infant, was diagnosed with a rare case of encephalitis, and Khadijah had to spend most of her time at the hospital and then in medical rehabilitation caring for her critically ill baby; Khadijah was told her daughter had suffered such a catastrophic brain injury she was not going to make it. This is when her son began to experience mental health challenges. The sudden and unexpected changes in his life made him feel isolated and neglected. He began acting out at school, at home and in the city, which eventually led to substance abuse. By the time he was 10, he was already battling an addiction.

“It was almost unheard of for a 10-year-old to struggle with an addiction,” says Khadijah. “All I could think of was, ‘How can I get him into a rehabilitation center that’s appropriate for a young person?’ I didn’t have the resources or the tools to support him on my own.” 

Khadijah faced rejection after rejection as she sought help for her son. Many treatment facilities told her she was wasting her time or that her son was too young for their programs. On top of the fear and stress she was experiencing, Khadijah had to care for her five other children while facing the stigma surrounding mental illness and addiction in her community, as well as the judgment that comes with having a young child experiencing addiction.

“It felt like we were being judged by professionals and the community. People assumed poor parenting was the reason why someone so young would turn to drugs. But through our experience, we know that it is not that uncommon for children to experiment with drugs and alcohol at a young age; many parents are not able to catch it in time, or the school passes it off as behavioral issues.”

Khadijah refused to back down. She was determined to find the right support for her son and wouldn’t stop until she did.

CAMH came into my life at a time when my son could have died. I didn’t know where to turn. We started working with SAPACCY (Substance Abuse Program for African Canadian and Caribbean Youth) at CAMH, and we’ve been with them ever since. Now, when anyone in my community asks for help, I direct them there. And I explain to African and Caribbean families that this is a home for our people,” says Khadijah, who has multiple children receiving support from SAPACCY.

Health equity means that everyone has equal access to opportunities to care, regardless of factors like race, class or gender. It’s a principle CAMH is striving for and embedded in everything the hospital does. Programs like SAPACCY are designed to eliminate disparities and reduce barriers for people who are systemically marginalized and vulnerable. SAPACCY’s culturally affirming approach helps Black youth and their families address mental health and addiction. Their programs offer mental health and addiction counselling and support in accessing resources to assist youth and their families/caregivers in reducing harm, moving toward recovery, and making the best choices for themselves and their family. To draw on families’ experiences, support, and strength, the service also offers a five-week family support group.

“It’s not just about skin colour or looking like someone,” Khadijah explains. “It’s about understanding the culture, the language, the nuances, the systemic oppression, the racism—all the barriers we have to overcome. It’s so much easier for us to get the help we need when it’s person-centered. My son was able to get help, and so was I. My family was able to get help.”

Khadijah and her son are now sharing the story of their ongoing journey to help others facing similar challenges.

Khadijah is a proponent and steadfast advocate for other mothers and families finding their way through the mental health system. As an Early Childhood Interventionist for the Centennial Infant and Child Center in Toronto, Khadijah understands first-hand the many complex challenges families in the GTA are facing, including mental health and addiction. “The need for early intervention is vital and must be prioritized across all social realms. Services need to align with the needs of the child and their family, as the family unit plays a vital role in navigating complex challenges. I have witnessed first-hand how CAMH and SAPACCY are becoming leaders in defining family-centered care.”

As her son continues to weave and chart his path to recovery, he will tackle a new set of exciting yet challenging endeavors. This fall, he will start university, where he has set his goal to be a lawyer or social worker. He’s also working with CAMH as a Youth Engagement Specialist, advising on research projects to improve mental health care for young people like him.

Khadijah notes “I tell my children and my clients all the time to set realistic and achievable goals. Do not overwhelm yourself and others.” She specifically tells her own children, "Do not forget the road you've traveled. You've been through a lot. Pace yourself. Love yourself. And most importantly, reach out for support and help when you need it.”

For Khadijah, CAMH and SAPACCY have been that place of support. “SAPACCY is a place I could go when I couldn’t see past the tears, anguish, anger, desperation, regret and pain,” she reflects. “The journey is ongoing, and my path to supporting a child with addiction and mental health challenges is ongoing too. With support, you can overcome a little bit each day—all you’ve got to do is put your best foot forward and exhale.”